When do you get over it?

So let's face it. Right now in my life, boys aren't a big thought. With being over in England, focusing on my Masters, acting in West Side Story, doing the lighting design for West Side Story, auditions for Andrew Lloyd Webber, and the Grad Student Showcase, seriously who has time?

But somehow that seems to be the center of every conversation: who have I been talking to, who do I miss, who is just a good friend, who am I interested in. And I guess the question for myself is when do you get over it?

When does your life NOT focus around boys. To be honest, I have had my share of crushes in the past 8 months and wishing that things with certain people would work out. But seriously, why this focus on finding the one? I guess part of me wonders if it is because all my friends are in relationships, getting married/having kids. And then the other part of me is thinking "well technically if everything would have been working out I would have been stuck in some town with no actual theatre and cooking dinner for some guy that treated me like shit. A 'happy' marriage". NO THANK YOU! That isn't the case anymore.

I like being on my own. I like knowing that I can wear what I want and I don't have to worry about my "boyfriend" not liking my outfit. I like going out and talking to different guys and getting to know people. The pressure of having a significant other seems less then it was back at Culver. But why the constant talk of boys?

I think all girls, whether they want to admit it or not, are always looking for that guy that can be their best friend. The guy that when you walk into the bar with jeans, a hoodie, and a baseball cap looks at you and says either A. Well you look comfy. Drink? or B. You look like crap, what's wrong. While yes it is always nice to hear "oh baby you look good in anything you where," honestly right now I want a guy that can see me looking like shit and can offer either an open ear or a shot of Jager.

I think this is the reason why I am single. I don't "flirt" like some of those girls who go out to bars and can pull any guy. I don't know how to twirl my hair, batt my eyes or giggle at a joke that is truly horrible. I'm the type of girl who would rather play a round of beer pong, do shots at the bar and call you a dork when you chicken out going up and talking to the "hot" girl that just walked in. And no, I don't feel the need every time I go out to the bar to get dressed up and put on tons of makeup. Sooner or later the guy has to see you without all the cosmetics, I guess I just figured they might as well see it sooner.

I like hanging out with the guys and being their friends. If that leads to something, great! If not then at least I know I have a whole bunch of guy friends that I can go party with and have a good time.

But though I may say all this listed above, I still like laying in bed and cuddling with a guy. I like it when he walks up behind me and puts his arms around my waist. I think it's amazing when a guy pulls you in and gives you a quick kiss in the middle of a conversation with one of his friends. Come on, I'm a girl for Christ sake!

But when do you get over this whole search for the "perfect" guy? Is it just possible that a woman truly can be happy without a man by her side? Maybe this whole blog is simply a rant about me being lonely. Maybe it's about me finally being sure enough about myself that I'm ready to be in another relationship. Or maybe, just maybe, I should shut up and for once take my mother's advice and "Not go searching for the right guy. The right guy will find me." Hmmmm........

Well it's 3:13 in the morning and of course I can't sleep BUT I do have some exciting news!!

A REALLY REALLY good friend of mine is getting married!!! I'm sooo excited for her! Today we were lucky enough to be able to chat on facebook and it was great! We seemed to pick right back up where we were the last time we talked. Of course we did a little walk down memory lane but it was hysterical. I forgot how silly and crazy we were back then! I mean seriously who else do you know would call a friend to say that there was jungle juice at a party and within 2 minutes they had SPRINTED across campus to come and drink jungle juice with you! I really missed talking to her. And to top off the whole thing she asked me to be a bridesmaid! MAN AM I UBER STOKED!!!!!!!

Things are also very interesting right now in the flat. There's a party going on next door which is cracking me up and then everyone trying to get their papers done in time. I do believe Jenaan and B are the only ones actually succeeding lol. So tomorrow my goal is to finish my paper and start the other.... both due on Monday... talk about procrastination! lol

But that's all for now! I said I would start updating more and so I am. I also think I'm going to start writing music again. I'll probably post it on here. Nigh folks!

Back in Brighton

I'm back in Brighton. It's weird though. The whole time I was back in the states I kept thinking "When can I go back to Brighton?!?!" but now my whole idea is "When can I go back to Wenona?!?!?" It's interesting to find that no matter where I go there is always a party of me wanting to go back where my family is.

New Years was amazing here though. We ended up just staying in the building for the beginning of the night. Of course had a big dance party and had a blast. Then the idea came up that we needed to be down on the beach to actually ring in the New Year. This was a great idea for the boys since they were all wearing pants and long sleeve shirts but Jenaan and I were quite cold walking down to the seafront with our dresses on. But it was all worth it in the end!

The atmosphere on the beach was amazing! All along the seafront people were setting off fireworks, sparklers, and firecrackers! Then to top it off small groups of people were lighting these huge lanterns that would take off and fly over the ocean. When I was looking at the lanterns I couldn't help but think that this was a way of saying goodbye to 2009, light it up and watch it blow away all the bad things that happened. At that moment I wish I had one to say goodbye to my past. When the time did switch to 2010 I looked around and saw all of these people hugging, kissing loved ones, and I realized that if I would have stayed at home I NEVER would have experienced this. Yes I would have been with friends and family that I care about but I would still be in my safe little box.

I guess this is when Cameron's amazing idea set in. The big moment of celebrating the New Year would be all of us stepping into the freezing ocean water. Because I mean seriously, when else can you say you were in England on New Year's and stuck your feet in the water right on the beach front? And so we did, Jenaan, Cameron, Aniruddh, and me barefoot walking down the chilly pebble beach towards the even icier water. But somehow it seemed to make the New Year really come in. I can't believe I'm saying it but walking into that cold water was like, well, washing off all of the bad stuff from 2009 and saying let's start clean and fresh.

After the beach extravaganza, we all headed in to warm up and of course have a few more drinks. The party moved down to our flat and music and dancing continued. I ended up not going to sleep that night until 7. I was in my own way saying goodbye to some old ghosts and hello to my new future.

And so now here it is January 2, 2010. I haven't done a lot to make the New Year count but perhaps in some way I started my New Year back in September. Because you see September was when I decided that coming to England was the next step in my life. So maybe December 31st wasn't my New Year perhaps September 27th was. And if that's the case all I have to say is: Hi New Year, where have you been? I've been waiting.